I was 9 when a girl I went to the same church with told me that i was poor and always wore the same dress to church. In standard 6, a teacher told me that I had very big teeth and from that day I couldn’t laugh in front of people because i was hiding my big teeth. I was in form one, when i went to entertainment (was a session in high school where students were allowed to go watch a movie and dance) when this classmate told me that i didn’t know how to dance and that i should just stop dancing. Though I wanted to dance and I loved it, I believed her had never danced through my four years in high school. Still in high school, someone told me that I couldn’t speak good English though I wanted to become a broadcast journalist one day, I gave up on that knowing that i could never speak good English.
Most of my high school life was miserable. I couldn’t speak in front of my classmates, I didn’t go to entertainment, I didn’t go to “funkies” (inter school functions) because I perceived myself not beautiful and so didn’t want boys to see me.
Entertainment and “funkies” were the goodies of high school and I missed both of them, because I gave in to what other people said. I was an average student. My performance was average, though I had the potential to do better I didn’t believe in my self.
I wanted to became a class prefect to help me learn public speaking skills but that failed too. I missed out on a lot in my younger years not because I was stupid but because I wasn’t confident enough to speak up and say what I wanted and act accordingly.
I had great parents, I was hard working but because I lacked self confidence, I allowed people to control my life.
When I finished high school, I went to university to do a course in Information Technology, not because I wanted to became a great developer, programmer or any sort of that thing, but because when I told people close to me that I wanted to become a journalist, they told me that that was not a good choice and so they choose IT for me and I gave in.
I did a diploma in IT for two years. Still being the quite girl that people turned be into in high school. I couldn’t go partying remember I was told I could not dance, I didn’t wear make up because I did it one day and someone told me that I looked like a scare crow. Though deep down I wanted to party, I wanted to wear make up, but due to lack of confidence I let every other trash that people told me, to become the final word.
Two years ago, I started reading on how to improve ones self esteem and confidence, I read on and I was like wow, I can change this, I can get into the drivers seat and control my life, but that didn’t come so easily, it toke me a whole year to tell my parents that IT wasn’t for me and that I wanted to change careers and pursue journalism. That is one of the positive things that I have achieved now.
I still have a long way to go. I still have to dance without fearing any judgement, I still have to wear make up and go parting someday without fearing any judgement from anyone.
I still, have a long way to go, but truly I believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will become one of the greatest broadcasters in my country. I will become the elegant lady that I always desired to be. Also, I will become a great public speaker and a writer. I now believe in one step at a time kind of thing. I am more positive about life and I know that things will turn out well.
With God in my side, self realization and positive vibes, I will surely overcome low self esteem.
Thank you.
Simaloi Toimasi
