I remember us sharing snacks we carried for break. It was beautiful. Back when I was in Primary four. Memories still live. We took separate ways, moved to different schools and that is how the friendship ended. Friendship is beautiful. If you have one, count yourself lucky. More so when it is genuine and real.
The way we hyped each other when we met along University corridors sent a message that we were very good friends. But really were we?
I moved in with her after she requested because she got afraid of staying alone after the Dusit attack. Moving in was not a big deal for me since the lady was in fourth year and we were only to stay together for a short time. I was staying in a single room and I had stayed there for the longest time and was excited to finally move out(new environment vibes).
So I notified my caretaker about me moving out in two days’ time. He was surprised (short notice huh) but was lenient to advise me to write a letter to the Landlord requesting for my deposit.
On the evening of the second day, I moved out and we started staying together. Things were great and we loved doing things together as friends. Preparing meals, doing laundry, going shopping, sharing clothes, making stories, riding bikes etc.
Weeks passed and I felt she was using me. I did almost everything – buying food, preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning the house. All she did was do her things like assignments, shower, watch movies. I always got from work everyday to find she didn’t do previous night’s dishes. The dishes stayed in the sink a whole freaking day waiting for me to wash them. Same case with the house. It stayed untidy and she cared not about cleaning it.
I never talked to her about how I felt. I just went silent on her and stopped doing things like preparing food for us and washing dishes. We stayed under the same roof without talking to each other(unless necessary).
We did things separately not as we were doing earlier. There was a time I came back from work with mboga (sukuma wiki) and eggs in my hands. I found her preparing a meal and rejoiced thinking she was preparing it for us(I mean me and her).
I placed everything on the table and sat on the edge of my bed with my laptop keeping myself busy. When she was done cooking, she ate and went to wash the dishes she used. To my surprise she ate everything.
I decided to cook the sukuma wiki and eggs I had bought, ate and washed the dishes(I hopped into the trend). We stopped taking meals together.
She had plans of selling the room we were staying in. She had thought I would move out as soon as she did because she was left with a few weeks to be done with school. I enquired if she wanted to sell the room and told her I will continue staying there since I didn’t have money to move out.
She then requested I give her her deposit which I promised to give when I got my salary. What shocked me was why she was requested for deposit when she was the reason I left my place on a short notice. I was not sure of being given my deposit and she never bothered to ask.
She continued with her plans of moving out. She sold her bed and table without telling me. She texted me while at work informing me she had sold some of her stuff and so I was to get home early we wash and fix my bed.
I felt so bad- disappointed and annoyed. I thought she would have told me. I decide I was not going to fix my bed.
That night we slept on different mattresses on the floor. I never fixed my bed until she left. We operated as neighbours in a single room!
There was a day I wanted to prepare fries, so I bought potatoes. Reaching home, I prepared them well by washing and cutting them into slices ready to be fried. Just when I was about to start frying them I realised cooking oil was nowhere to be found.
I went to the shop, bought oil, came back, fried the potatoes, ate and washed dishes. The next day I had a small talk with a neighbour who was her friend- only to be told that she took the cooking oil and sugar to the friend’s room. I said well, this place is becoming toxic. So I decided to go stay with my cousin who stayed a few metres away from where I stayed.
I stayed with my cousin until the day my roommate moved out. We have never talked since then.
It happened that the same thing occurred to my friend (though my experience was worse). Let’s call her Achieng. Achieng lost her job during this corona period. After months of staying jobless, It reached a point where she could not afford her rent.
Achieng decided to reach out to her friend to let her in for sometime as she stabilises having been given an eviction notice. The friend seemed to not be much affected with the pandemic.
She agreed and Achieng moved in with her.
Things were great at the beginning. Suddenly there was a drastic change. The friend stopped talking to her that much(unless necessary). They stopped doing things together like preparing meals, walking home together.
There was a time Shiro prepared breakfast and invited her to eat only to be snubbed. The friend later poured everything out while doing the dishes. She never had breakfast.
I do not know if such a thing has ever happened to you. Why do we act as friends while outside but under the same roof we become enemies huh?
The mistake comes in when we fail to communicate our feelings to the other party? And fail to clearly state terms of stay. We should stop thinking that everyone can read our emotions and feelings. Communication is key in building relationships. Lets learn to speak out all time ,every time.